It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
