he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
