So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
