her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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