theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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