I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
