I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
