I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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