The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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