I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
