just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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