Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
