He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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