if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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