i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
vagina is talking i cant
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
