I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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