I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
