Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
