She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
