Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
