Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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