Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
