I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
