I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
