I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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