): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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