I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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