I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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