i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
