oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The best walk of shames are on the highway
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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