my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
