it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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