bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He did a backflip because drugs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
