like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
