grandma shit on top of the toilet
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
