Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
