I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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