A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
