I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
