i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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