Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
