i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
