i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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