My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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