i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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