if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
