sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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