I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
