Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
