So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
