Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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