Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
