I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
