I think I died a long time ago.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
